June 20th. Birthday Half Marathon - and a bit.

Day Twenty Two : Friday 20th June 2014

Three days before my 50th birthday. 




If you don't know what I am doing to celebrate the occasion, well, here's the scoop.

At 10.30am on Monday 23rd June, I plan to run from Southwell, where I live, to Nottingham, where I was born and where I used to live. 

The route takes me past Lowdham, Burton Joyce, through Netherfield and down the Colwick Loop road, past the racecourse and greyhound stadium, and of course, the cathedral - Meadow Lane Stadium.

The route is approximately 15 miles, which is two more than I have ever done, and seven miles more than I have recently achieved. 

The logistics are in place (change of clothes with my dad, who is meeting me on Trent Bridge) and all that remains is that I eat tons of pasta and blueberries over the weekend (and no kebab).

It's a tough ask. 
Not the run, but missing my Saturday night treat kebab.

Yesterday, with the football, I was naughty. My friend Clive and I watched Uruguay vs England (like everyone else here) and I had five pints of cider plus two custom made burgers (which were delicious). 

What do you do in social situations? Be one of those over committed bores who decline everything offered? That's just not me.

No. I'll drop 1000 calories later this morning and hope for the best.

AM: Expended 1000 calories on x-trainer and stepping machine while watching a programme showcasing dashing insurance company detectives and, on ITV, the next TV along, Eamonn Holmes interrogating a woman who eats coal 
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Day Twenty Three : Saturday 21st June 2014

AM: Light session on weights. Am resting for Monday. Considered a run in the afternoon, but decided against it. A good trainer never leaves his horse's race behind on the home gallops.

I cooked, however.

They tell you to stock up on carbs, so that's what I am doing, with a small dish of peanuts for protein. The calories won't matter for this weekend, as I will probably burn around 2-3000 on Monday's run. Going to also lie down on the sofa after some tweeting to fully extend the leg muscles.
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Day Twenty Four : Sunday 22nd June 2014

A rest day. However, I disappeared to the gym to some light weights while my floor was drying after a good mop. And in the evening, I went to the sauna for an hour. A large Notts County supporting lady joined us halfway through the session. The Newark lads were in Mablethorpe, so it was very peaceful in there. 

My fiftieth birthday tomorrow. I have taken drink this evening.

This is the Bramley Apple pub in Southwell. I sat at the table closest to the door on the right as you exit. I enjoyed two pints of cider and a Jura malt - to toast the Gods of the Decades. 

Eighteen minutes to go. I will be running in the morning...
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Day Twenty Five : Monday 23rd June 2014

For one reason or another, I didn't do the run to Nottingham. I did, however, run the Extended Fiskerton, which I shall Googlemap for you when I have more time. It is between 7 and 8 miles and in the heat, it was a tough old run. I completed it though and then got on with my birthday.
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Day Twenty Six : Tuesday 24th June 2014

AM: 700 calories expended on the X-Trainer in the morning (one hour).

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Day Twenty Seven : Wednesday 25th June 2014

AM: A light session in the gym in the morning - the usual programme. Watched almost all The Jeremy Kyle Show, which made me feel a little bit guilty. 

PM: Spinning with Mo. A solid session undertaken at the last minute. 50 minutes and was wringing like a dish rag at the end. She has the reputation of being the best spinner in the leisure centre and I can see why. A really good workout. 

I strongly recommend spinning. Its exhausting and tough, but it works your heart and lungs a treat and the last time I looked well/lost weight, in spring of 2012, I was doing a hell of a lot of spinning. The problem is, spinning is a booked class and in the modern world, that can be inconvenient. It is worth it, though. I have a twinge on my right knee and this might prevent me going tomorrow, but I doubt it.

June 13th - Black Friday Weigh-in

Day Fifteen : Friday 13th June 2014

In medieval times, they stayed indoors on Friday 13th and they didn't come out until the sun rose on the following Saturday.  

I couldn't afford to do this as I was booked for a weigh in at the leisure centre, two weeks after my first attempt. 

For those of you bumping into this blog, my intention is to lose weight. Why? After packing in smoking in 2007, I ballooned like a Zeppelin and put on around four stone (56lb). By September 1st, I intend to be twelve and a half stone and this (temporary) blog charts that progress. 

Today was my first weigh-in.

On Friday 28th May, I was 14st 12lb (and a bit).
Today, I was 14st 10lb.

I have run, x-trained, lifted weights like a beast for two weeks and I lost 2lbs. To be honest, I feel deflated at that result. 

Yet, I knew it was going to be tough. I have a slow metabolism, difficulty in digesting food, and a history of severe stomach illness that nearly led to my death in 2008. 

Historically, I struggle to lose weight. It happens. Everyone is different. I happen to be one of those people who watch an advert for Dairy Milk and put on 2lb. It happens.

Those people who lose a stone in a fortnight, as if by magic? It's not going to be me, unfortunately, so, on reflection, I have to be pleased with a 2lb loss.

What I am not pleased with is that I have lost muscle, not fat. 

My trainer, Lee, tells me I have been overdoing the cardio exercise and, as he suspected, the regime is eating into the body's muscle. 

I have no idea how this happens. I asked him what I needed to be doing, and he said carry on your usual stuff for another month and we will see.

Lose the weight and - like the Six Million Dollar Man - we shall rebuild you: We have the technology, he might have said.

There are other results, which sweeten the slightly underwhelming facts on the print out in front of me.

I feel much better than I did a month ago. I feel positively coked up compared to how I felt a month ago. 

Simple reason: I don't feel good after completing a book, I never have done, and tend to go into a low like a Pacific trench afterwards. 

Again, it happens.

IMO, if you suffer from D - to whatever degree, forget Prozac, (which disconnects the emotions to a dangerous extent, in my experience, to the point where very strange things happen), and go to the gym, or go running. 

The endorphin release, the sense of achievement, the shower wiping out the hot sweat of your own exertions - you can't buy the feeling, which is why more and more doctors are prescribing discounted gym memberships ("the GP Referral Scheme"), in cases of patient's suffering D.

So, enough preaching: I have another weigh-in Mid-July. I need to get to something like 14st in that time (that would be losing 10lb in a month), in order to maintain the schedule.

I'll keep you posted.

Today is a rest day. I had a terrible nights sleep last night after that horrific vegetable medley I prepared, which was just vile. Truly disgusting. I cannot cook at all. Gosh, I hate vegetables. 

No bread, chips or chocolate...*sigh*

I'm tired and as Lee said, a rest day is sometimes as good as a two hour session.
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Day Sixteen : Saturday 14th June 2014

Slept poorly again and suffered with my stomach, as I often do in the mornings.

AM: Mixed weight and cardio session. Approximately an hour and at least 5/600 calories expended. Felt terrific afterward. The rest day yesterday worked wonders. I was genuinely tired after five out of six days of double shifts.

Good performance from England, but once again, the Italians know how to play us and they hold the warning sign over the three lions - that's five in a row.

Mood Rating: 8/10  Keyword: Fun.
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Day Seventeen : Sunday 15th June 2014

AM: Treated myself last night and woke up this morning with a bloated stomach that felt like it was carrying a two lb bag of sugar - the bag of sugar I was supposed to have lost last week! (Ngaire/Georgia :-).  

An ex-wife and I spent almost every weekend piling into
the pizza and kebab - but each mouthful had devastating
consequences the next day

If you do fancy a takeaway, always think about the morning after - it's worse than a hangover. 

Bloat, distension,reflux, acid fragmentation, mild nausea, listlessness and vertigo are just some of the symptoms a trayful of sublime badness can inflict upon you.



So, I hung around a bit, tweeted, listened to music (Submarine, the Dark Urban Country band I used to manage back in the nineties) and waited for my stomach to settle.

AM: When it didn't settle at all, I went running anyway.

The highly dangerous Oxton Run. Dangerous because, at any time, on the first segment, you can be mowed down by vintage sports cars, high performance Italian passion wagons, 4 x 4 Chelsea tractors and passing turbo charged combine harvesters on the way in and out of the richest town in the East Midlands. Also, the first three miles are uphill and there is a half mile hill (I call "Pork Chop Hill" after a film I saw when I was a kid and it is just as difficult to climb), at the beginning of the third segment. Map thanks to Googlemaps Satellite.

The trip is only 6.5 miles, but the first three miles are uphill and its a much more arduous run than the one I usually do across the nature trail, which is flat. As I type, my legs are sore. 

I intervalled the last mile - sprinting/jogging/sprinting.

No gym tonight - spectacularly tired...
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Day Eighteen : Monday 16th June 2014

AM: 1 hour cardio x-trainer session. 500 calories. Steps 100 calories. Approximately 9km travelled.

PM: Mixed weights programme interspersed with cardio. 45 minutes. 250 calories expended plus whatever I lost through the rapid fire weights. Good session. 

One hour in the sauna.

Not eaten much at all today. Some weightwatchers snacks. Lots of water. Bowl of tomato soup.

Mood Rating: 8/10  Keyword: Calm and contented
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Day Nineteen : Tuesday 17th June 2014

Royal Ascot ate into my exercise time (and will continue to do so this week) so this is brief. I couldn't get down to the gym in the daytime so when I returned home, without sitting down for a cup of tea, I went straight out again.

AM: Cardio session. 1 hour. x-trainer and stepper. At least 600 calories expended. It would have been more had I not suffered an upset stomach half way through the stepper exercise.

Watched Brazil vs Mexico (yawn) and "Endeavour". Can anyone tell me who did it?
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Day Twenty : Wednesday 18th June 2014

The anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo.

AM: Weight and cardio programme. Expended around 500 calories. Dreadful session that left me a bit flat. I was unable to recover momentum in the evening as I was co-teaching.

Backed Field of Dream at 28/1...the second time I have found the winner of the Royal Hunt Cup in two years #busstories. 

Mood Rating: 6/10  Keyword: Neither here nor there
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Day Twenty One: Thursday 19th June 2014

Day off. Football. You all know the score. Here's a brighter memory...#suarezvsengland

The Eve of Derby Day - June 7th 2014 - Week 2

Day Eight: Friday 6th June (Oaks Day)

Yesterday, I was tired out. Listless and emotional. Food withdrawal was likely to have some impact and I had bad news all the way through.

Today was tough too - not least because I experienced an IBS attack at 3.16am which kept me awake till six. I never quite shifted it and, at midday, felt compelled to take Co-codamol for the first time in months. 

A pack of Weightwatcher's Fromage Frais, was probably the trigger, but with something like this, you can blame what you like - you will never truly know.

I read about Ricky Gervais, who has a similar build to me, and his trials and tribulations during a similar fitness routine. 

ricky-gervais-tells-jon-stewart-why-hed-rather-die-drinking-beer-and-eating-pizza-in-a-bucket/


PM: 1) New weights programme. 
       2) 40 minutes X-trainer
       3)  15 minutes Interval training
       4)  Sauna

750 calories expended.

TV: Multiple Soap.  Hagiography of someone called Tina on ITV. Pretty. Killed, apparently. Is Hilda still on Corro? 

Food: Vegetable medley. Jacket potatoes. Oaty biscuits. 3 litres of water. (Sigh - this really is the worst part of the regime. I can see what Gervais is saying. Just writing down the last two sentences is depressing).     

      Mood Rating: 5/10  Keyword: Irritated

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Day Nine: Saturday 7th June (Derby Day)

It's Treat Night tonight.

I thought about what was written last night and realised that after three weeks of doing this (two weeks before I started recording), I have not eaten anything nice at all. 

Nice for me is a takeaway. 

Nothing home cooked, which is almost universally boring. Nothing like seven pints of cider in the Dog and Duck topped off with a visit to Mustapha's.

Feel like a pizza from Pizza Hut, full of MSG and Added Sugar.

I can't eat pizza because the cheese acts like a constrictor around my innards, sadly. (Once ate three large.)

Mmmm. What else?

Curry used to be a cheap and cheerful meal, but it's now become a set-piece dinner only affordable on birthdays. 

Fish (and chips) is unethical because of those giant nets used to catch cod, combined with unsustainable fishing quotas. Anyway, I don't like eating fish - especially those with eyes still intact. (I quite liked tinned salmon - which is a bit like meat, isn't it).

KFC, my absolute favourite, doesn't do my any good (see Pizza) and McDonalds is so un-treat like..more like a staple...

...so that leaves a KEBAB based treat

...that was one from two years ago...:D

How do I justify this?

If I knock off 750 calories this morning in the gym, and stick to fruit in the interim, I might be able to get a plain kebab and chips tonight and what steps I lose toward the goal, I gain in mood health (which is a big dodgy at the moment).

On the other hand, I might not. This may all be the vivid fantasy of the marooned surrounded by coconuts and lemon grass...off to the gym...
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Day Ten: Sunday 8th June. California Chrome Blues

The Derby was a muted affair, dominated as it was by Aiden O Brien, who seems to be the only trainer in the world who actually wants to win the old race. However California Chrome's defeat in New York has left me feeling down. 

What a brave animal - tried all the way to the line over a distance too far and was beaten by fresher, locally trained horses, whose names we shall all forget in three months; animals which didn't contest Churchill and Pimlico. It's not hard to see why Coburn was furious afterwards.

We'll never forget you, brave California.

As I have aged, I realise my relationship with football has become jaded, inspiring shoulder-shrugs more than anything else, but horse racing still has the capacity to jolt my tired heart: Last night in New York brought the emotion into clear focus.

To the point. There was so much racing going on yesterday, I didn't do any exercise, which I feel guilty about. Sorry, gang.

I still had my treat too - something I needed to do as I could feel my mood flattening by the day last week. People talk about sugar rushes and carbo crashes - I think I needed one. 

The other night, I ate mediterranean vegetables with crispbread. Anyone who knows me will attest I am not a mediterranean vegetables with crispbread type of person and it was beginning to get to me. I needed to eat something bad. 

So I had a kebab with onion bhajis and rice from the Vegas kebab house in Carlton - possibly the finest kebab on planet earth. I didn't drink alcohol, which was something.

No matter. I am up for the challenge again today and I am about to go on a long run in the sunshine.  If I can make eight miles, I shall be buzzing.

Thank you, everyone, for reading (and commenting on) the temporary blog. It inspires me and - selfishly - because you read, I won't stop running.

Update: 8 mile run (Nature trail). Flat. About an hour and ten minutes. No breaks. No twinges. Gym tonight at 7.

PM: 40 minutes weights. Quick burst on the X-Trainer (200 calories burned). Sauna for an hour - and a hot one too, with one of the gang restless and ADHD about the water bucket.

Food: Nothing until 11am. Low calorie Crackers. 3 litres of water. Some Go Ahead apple slices.  A plate of beans with pitta bread after training. Bed early.
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Day Eleven: June 9th 2014

Torrential rain outside my window. The sound of the rain is special, especially when there are no cars on the road outside. Thunderclaps shake the walls of my flat. Delighted to be indoors.

AM: A poor nights sleep punctuated with vivid dreams of several people I would rather forget. This left me tired, so I did 45 minutes at 115 constant Heart Rate on the X-Trainer for 500 calories and then came home to satsumas and pitta bread.

Will do more later.

PM: New programme of weights mixed with the spin bike and X-Trainer for an hour. Low weight, high reps - double sets. One hour.

Sauna for 15 minutes but two numpties came and bored me to tears by not talking, so I left, came home, ate tea. Beef cubes, carrots and parsnips. A touch of horseradish sauce and a litre of low calorie squash. Satsumas and red grapes for pudding.

Mood Rating: 8/10  Keyword: Enthused
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Day Twelve: June 10th 2014

An accidentally blank day...

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Day Thirteen: June 11th 2014

AM: 8 mile run down the nature trail. 


Tough start, despite the glorious summer morning. Legs felt like they were inlaid with metal cables. Could barely walk in the opening metres and it took until the very bottom of the trail, near the entrance to the Racecourse, before my legs loosened up. 

At one point, I was travelling so slowly, I felt I was rupturing the inverse space time continuum, but I made it back home without stopping, which is something.

Teaching creative writing tonight so no more exercise for me today.

For those of you who aren't on FB with me, on my birthday, the 23rd June, a day where I leave my forties behind, I plan to run the 14.1/15 miles from my house to Nottingham.

And more to the point, it's weigh-in time on Friday.... *gulp*
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Day Fourteen: June 12th 2014

AM: Spinning class with Lee - few people at the session. The trainer is big on stamina and sprinting and I love it (I was exhausted with fifteen minutes to go), but others prefer the Monday night sessions that involve lots of jumping about. He appeared worried, which is a pity as he is a top lad. He did have 15 there the other week, so I think it may be a volatile time slot. 

I also did 30 minutes of my cardio weight programme beforehand.

Food?

Porridge, satsumas, grapes, Yoghurt slices and pitta bread for breakfast and lunch.

This for tea, after an hour's X-Training in thirty minutes...

A New Programme - the June Cusp Notes

Welcome to the - mercifully temporary - Green Wizard Weight Loss Challenge Blog. 

Yesterday, Friday 30th May, I wrote this.

Losing Two and a Half Stones

This blog follows on from that. It will end on September the First and the blog posts will refresh each Saturday morning throughout the summer.

I'm going to publicise it every so often purely because I need the motivation from the fear of embarrassing myself in order to succeed. 

I also want to help others who are struggling with weight loss and am a massive believer in group support, particularly on the Net.

Support Group Leader from Breaking Bad

It's the Weightwatchers Principle. I would join Weightwatchers, but there are two problems:

a) It's too female - I already attend two all-female Spin - sorry, Active Cycle classes - and I feel awkward. I don't need another dose of awkward in my life.

b) This is fitness oriented rather than diet. I am going to be carrying out a calorie controlled diet - I list the basic rules on the Link.

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So without further fuss here's instalment one and two. Activities, diet and key observations.

Start weight 14st 12lbs
Body Fat Percentage 37%
Obesity Rating 44%*

Day One: Friday 30th May

Activity: AM: A new programme was agreed with Lee at the Leisure Centre. A combination of weights and cardio taking one hour. I engaged in an hour's orientation.

New programme: 5mins rowing. Assisted dip/leg press sets. 5mins cycle. Leg extension/seated row sets. Cycle. Chest press (free weights). Cycle. X-Trainer/Interval warm down.

In the evening, I expended 800 calories on the X-Trainer and 200 on the Treadmill.

Total: 1000

Diet: Rabbit food.

Home cooked stuff in the slow cooker.

Mood rating: 7/10. Not feeling too bad today. Keyword: Determined.

Leisure centre TV: SKY News. The One Show (with an excellent young people's flash fiction challenge), and England Vs Peru Punditry (left before kick off).

Next weigh-in date: Thursday 12th June
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Day Two: Saturday 31st May

Activity: AM: 45 minutes X Trainer = 600 calories
                           15 minutes  Interval Sprints  = 200 calories


Distance travelled: 10k
Calories expended: 800
Running total: 1800

Mood rating: 7/10. Stomach fine. Keyword: Optimistic

Leisure centre TV: Saturday Kitchen. Murder She Wrote with David Soul and Margot Kidder. Boy missing in Malaysian Jungle on Sky News.

Next weigh-in date: Thursday 12th June
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Day Three: Sunday 1st June

Activity: Approximately 6 mile run. Westgate, down past the Minster, down Church Street, past the BP garage, down Racecourse Road, past Southwell Racecourse, across past Trent Valley ECF and up Fiskerton Road back into Southwell.

Took one hour. Sunny conditions. Flagged between the Racecourse and Fiskerton Tip.

Sitting here munching grapes. Yum.

Mood rating: 5/10. Stomach fine. Keywords: So-So

Gym tonight to carry out the new programme and have an hour in the sauna.

Lunch? Rabbit food. Not yum. Nairns Oatcakes for snacks.

I think I have just eaten the healthiest lunch of all time, certainly of my lifetime.

Six Nairns Oaty crackers.
Three slices of Leerdammer Light Cheese
Ten red grapes - like giving your tastebuds a massage
Two easy peel satsumas.

After eating that sumptuous feast, I feel like invading France.

PM: 7pm session at the gym. Mixed cardio/weights session - the Lee Programme. Weight sets interspersed with active cycle and x-trainer. Heart rate constant at 111.

Sauna for an hour. All the usual Sunday Night Mob were there. A lady in a bikini joined us. She was convalescing and exercising her right leg after her horse snapped it in three places. Her leg was so supernaturally disjointed - her shinbone was at right angles to her knee on the anatomically impossible plane - the air ambulance was unable to fit her through the port doors. 

Her agony, she said, was like nothing she had ever experienced. 

Other topics discussed in the sauna included whether the fondling of ginormous bull testicles on BBC's Countryfile could be classed as pornographic, Ribena Light, Southwell's best runs, Taurine content in energy drinks, Breaking Bad, Poundland,  Japanese torture techniques of WWII, the imminent closure of the Grove, slow swimmers in fast lanes, whether Catchphrase has declined since the replacing of Roy Walker with a cheerful, but anonymous, non-entity, and colourful species of ducks.

Food:  Slow cooked lamb with Mediterranean vegetable medley. Satsumas. Four red grapes. Water.

Mood Rating: 7/10  Keyword: Cheerful
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Day Four: Monday 2nd June

AM: 45 minutes x Trainer
         15 minutes Treadmill (Interval - inc 3 one minute sprints)

TV: Tameside Council Environmental Health Reality Show about dirty restaurants - you would never eat out again.

Hot shower. Shave. The Wizard does not use product.

Out for rest of the day - Nottingham Greyhounds tonight.

Westmead Hawk 2006 Derby win

(I was there!) RIP The Hawk

Food:  Three Satsumas and six Oaty biscuits.Peppermint tea - two mugs, no milk or sugar.

Twinge: Lower back after sprints. Discomfort lasted an hour.

Mood Rating: 8/10  Keyword: Chilled
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Day Five: Tuesday 3rd June

AM: 45 minutes x Trainer
         15 minutes Treadmill (Interval - inc 3 one minute sprints)

10k travelled. 800 Calories expended.

TV: BBC and ITV News. Bog standard bulletins from the Hegemonic Process (Antonio Gramsci). Loads of great sounds on the cans.

Food:  Several Pork Mango and Chilli sausages and two slices of for breakfast. Oaty biscuits. Three Go Ahead Yoghurt bars in afternoon. Two litres of water. 

Two pints of Stowford Cider with AMB in TFW (family conference/excuse for beer). Refused any peanuts.

Mood Rating: 8/10  Keywords: Proud of myself for the 7am trip out.
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Day Six: Wednesday 4th June

Rest day. No exercise. Chinese buffet with son - kept anything battered to a minimum and used small plates. Lots of veg. Two satsumas and hot Vimto from 4pm. 

Missed the exercise to be honest, but so many people say that work is the assassin of fitness routines (and good intentions).

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Day Seven: Thursday 5th June

Long and tiring day.  Feeling the impact of zero exercise yesterday and the chinese buffet. Listless and emotionally drained. Several pieces of disappointing news and more work to do for when i arrive home. Cancelled my weekly drink with my great friend Clive. Managed to fit in an hour at the gym - a necessity.

PM 45 minutes X-Trainer. 7.7k 551 calories
        15 minutes treadmill interval training (3 levels) 2.5k 250 calories

Mood Rating: 4/10  Keyword: Despondent

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